Wow, a blog about class! :-)
Last week, my professor asked us to answer how we knew the other person was consenting to sex. And ive been pondering this now ever since.
Ive realized that 1) I am a very self centered person, most of the thoughts that go through my head are about me, and how others interaction with me. And 2) I know when I am consenting, thus other should know when they are consenting, and say something if it is not going as they planned.
But, I also tend to place a lot of responsibility onto other people. If you dont like something? Say something. Dont like your food at a restaurant? Send it back! Want your partner to do something for you? Ask! Dont like how the sexual encounter is going? Say something. People are not mind readers!
We seem to have this unspoken expectation that "others" should know what we want. The Usual Error is that we think other people should think like us. (Actually, my mom pointed out that Ive always had this viewpoint, even as a very small child.) The issue is that some take the idea that because our partners *do not* read our minds, that something is doomed in that relationship or sexual encounter.
To get back to consent, I think its an internal process, rather than one that everyone has to buy into equally and all times. Instead of accepting the idea of ambiguity, one decides what they are willing to do, and/or what is needed for one to enjoy that act. For example, I feel perfectly comfortable saying "While I wouldnt ask for it, X, Y and Z are things that I would be okay with if my partner asked for them." But, ive done enough thinking about my self to know that. I also trust that my partner has gone though a similar thought process, and would not be going along with however the encounter is going if they were not comfortable with the situation.
Sex is about communicating with the people involved for a mutually agreeable encounter. If one partner doesnt want it, its not any fun, however, I do think that it is up to the partner that does not want it to make it clear.
(This does not apply in the instance of coercion, in any of its many forms.)
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Comic
http://www.amptoons.com/blog/archives/2008/10/07/fat-monologue/
BTW, if you dont read amptoons, it is an awesome comic and blog.
BTW, if you dont read amptoons, it is an awesome comic and blog.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Quotes
WTF? We had this information in 1968! Its been 40 years, and the stigma against obese people, and fat phobia, and fat hysteria has all gotten progressively worse! What else do we need to do?
(Paragraph from a draft of my thesis).
The obesity stigma combins these assumptions, and places the blame of the stigma solely on the obese person. “As tracing indigence to poverty, for all its tautology, implies the moral responsibility of the poor for their own misfortune, so does tracing obesity to indulgence imply the depravity of the overweight person” (Cahnman 1968:287). This “depravity” leads to the moral outrage against obesity, in that obese individual are stigmatized by the society, which leads to the internalization of the obese label, and the behavior accordingly changes. As Cahnman states later in his paper, “The obese [individual] is thus doubly and trebly disadvantaged: (1) because he is discriminated against, (2) because he is made to understand that he deserves it, and (3) because he comes to accept his treatment as just” (294).
“The interpersonal factor, which is the truly sociogenic factor and which in its extreme manifestation stamps obesity with the stigma of moral turpitude, would seem to be of considerable, perhaps decisive, impact…The stigma cannot be removed except by moral treatment whose primary objective is to consider the patient as a potentially normal human being who is as capable of the healthy exercise of all his faculties as anybody else” (Cahnman 1968:298).
(Quote Citation: Cahnman, Werner J. 1968. “The Stigma of Obesity.” The Sociological Quarterly 9(3):283-299.)
(Paragraph from a draft of my thesis).
The obesity stigma combins these assumptions, and places the blame of the stigma solely on the obese person. “As tracing indigence to poverty, for all its tautology, implies the moral responsibility of the poor for their own misfortune, so does tracing obesity to indulgence imply the depravity of the overweight person” (Cahnman 1968:287). This “depravity” leads to the moral outrage against obesity, in that obese individual are stigmatized by the society, which leads to the internalization of the obese label, and the behavior accordingly changes. As Cahnman states later in his paper, “The obese [individual] is thus doubly and trebly disadvantaged: (1) because he is discriminated against, (2) because he is made to understand that he deserves it, and (3) because he comes to accept his treatment as just” (294).
“The interpersonal factor, which is the truly sociogenic factor and which in its extreme manifestation stamps obesity with the stigma of moral turpitude, would seem to be of considerable, perhaps decisive, impact…The stigma cannot be removed except by moral treatment whose primary objective is to consider the patient as a potentially normal human being who is as capable of the healthy exercise of all his faculties as anybody else” (Cahnman 1968:298).
(Quote Citation: Cahnman, Werner J. 1968. “The Stigma of Obesity.” The Sociological Quarterly 9(3):283-299.)
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Dieting
Article in Question
The article says 26% of women are on a diet, which is the lowest rate in two decades.
Once you know where to start looking for it, you see this subtle thing that happens in the media. The article could have easily taken a "people are eating healthier and not focusing on their weight" tone.
-----
"That view is echoed by Kelly D. Brownell, director of the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity at Yale University, who says that diets are "notoriously ineffective," and posits that many overweight people may have simply given up.
Marge McMillan, 60, is one who says she's given up on diets, if not on slimming down. A veterinarian who lives in Medford, McMillan tried the low-carb Atkins diet and Weight Watchers but threw in the towel on both. Now, she's just trying to eat healthily. "Diets don't work," she said. "You lose the weight but regain more."
-----
So, in these two paragraphs, we have the idea that overweight people have to give up. Give up on what? On a failing idea? On the idea that we should pursue something that only 3% of people succeed on? The woman in the second paragraph certainly doesnt seem that she has "given up" on anything. It actually seems that she has a much more healthy attitude on eating and weight. But, the "medical establishment" thinks she has given up.
-------
"Still, the emphasis on healthy eating may also be motivating many people to stop dieting, some say. "The way health is being approached today is to eat healthier foods, not to eat less," says Balzer. Indeed, foods once shunned as fattening - nuts, olive oil, avocados - have been reborn as elixirs, valued for their anti-inflammatory or nutrient-rich qualities. Even chocolate, once a dietary pariah, now enjoys a reputation as a flavonoid-rich disease-buster."
------
This paragraph is ambiguous. First, it still holds the idea that "dieting" should be a normal way of eating for people. It also has the idea that there are "fattening" foods, even if they are "healthy."
Lastly, the 2nd page talks about how there hasnt been a new "diet fad" to energize tired dieters back into their dieting ways. Even after parroting the "calories in calories out" and "eat healthier" ideas, they still think there is this "magic pill" that will make fat people skinny. Except for major surgery (hey, I had my stomach cut out for the chance to be smaller), there is no way to make fat people thin.
(The most ambitious study that I had showed that average weight loss after 3 years was 6.6 pounds. Yeah, for someone "obese" thats not going to change anything.)
The article says 26% of women are on a diet, which is the lowest rate in two decades.
Once you know where to start looking for it, you see this subtle thing that happens in the media. The article could have easily taken a "people are eating healthier and not focusing on their weight" tone.
-----
"That view is echoed by Kelly D. Brownell, director of the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity at Yale University, who says that diets are "notoriously ineffective," and posits that many overweight people may have simply given up.
Marge McMillan, 60, is one who says she's given up on diets, if not on slimming down. A veterinarian who lives in Medford, McMillan tried the low-carb Atkins diet and Weight Watchers but threw in the towel on both. Now, she's just trying to eat healthily. "Diets don't work," she said. "You lose the weight but regain more."
-----
So, in these two paragraphs, we have the idea that overweight people have to give up. Give up on what? On a failing idea? On the idea that we should pursue something that only 3% of people succeed on? The woman in the second paragraph certainly doesnt seem that she has "given up" on anything. It actually seems that she has a much more healthy attitude on eating and weight. But, the "medical establishment" thinks she has given up.
-------
"Still, the emphasis on healthy eating may also be motivating many people to stop dieting, some say. "The way health is being approached today is to eat healthier foods, not to eat less," says Balzer. Indeed, foods once shunned as fattening - nuts, olive oil, avocados - have been reborn as elixirs, valued for their anti-inflammatory or nutrient-rich qualities. Even chocolate, once a dietary pariah, now enjoys a reputation as a flavonoid-rich disease-buster."
------
This paragraph is ambiguous. First, it still holds the idea that "dieting" should be a normal way of eating for people. It also has the idea that there are "fattening" foods, even if they are "healthy."
Lastly, the 2nd page talks about how there hasnt been a new "diet fad" to energize tired dieters back into their dieting ways. Even after parroting the "calories in calories out" and "eat healthier" ideas, they still think there is this "magic pill" that will make fat people skinny. Except for major surgery (hey, I had my stomach cut out for the chance to be smaller), there is no way to make fat people thin.
(The most ambitious study that I had showed that average weight loss after 3 years was 6.6 pounds. Yeah, for someone "obese" thats not going to change anything.)
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Sex Positive Ideals
In class, we were discussing talking to parents/kids about sex, and a student said something along the lines of "I hope my children never talk to me about sex."
This made me sad. I would love to live in a world in which children felt comfortable talking to their parents about sex, but more importantly, that their parents felt comfortable sharing suitable information to their children. Just like many parents are not comfortable with talking with their children about marijuana (because they did it when they were young), most parents dont talk to their kids about sex.
And, the *way* that we talk about sex has to change as well. And, yeah, im doing research on condom use, so I am kinda perpetuating the myth that "sex education is about safer sex." But its not just that, we need to empower people to make their own sexual decisions, and how to negotiate their romantic relationships (and their non romantic relationships as well), how to communicate with others, and how to get the sexual pleasure that they deserve.
(Full disclosure, I dont talk to my mom about sex. :-) I could once I am married, but she doesnt really want to know anything until that point.)
This made me sad. I would love to live in a world in which children felt comfortable talking to their parents about sex, but more importantly, that their parents felt comfortable sharing suitable information to their children. Just like many parents are not comfortable with talking with their children about marijuana (because they did it when they were young), most parents dont talk to their kids about sex.
And, the *way* that we talk about sex has to change as well. And, yeah, im doing research on condom use, so I am kinda perpetuating the myth that "sex education is about safer sex." But its not just that, we need to empower people to make their own sexual decisions, and how to negotiate their romantic relationships (and their non romantic relationships as well), how to communicate with others, and how to get the sexual pleasure that they deserve.
(Full disclosure, I dont talk to my mom about sex. :-) I could once I am married, but she doesnt really want to know anything until that point.)
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Sex and Dating
No, not intercourse, but Sex. Biological sex. Or, as most people tend to think, "penis or vagina."
In the What Intersex does to the Gay Marriage Debate, we learned the intricacies of making a dichotomous male/female distinction. A penis, or lack of, does not necessarily indicate male or not male status, and as there isnt a good reliable measure of "male or female," the answer remains ambiguous for some people.
In Where the Bois Are, one lesbian remarks "If only you didn't have a penis." Which is what it comes down to with sexual orientation, the orientation of your partner's genitals. Men are worried that the cute girl they are hitting on has a dick under her skirt, and women worry (slightly less) that the penis attached to their partner isnt enough for them (or there at all).
But, we dont look at genitals when choosing our dating partners. And, the vast majority say that they wouldnt leave their partner if their penis was cut off in an accident. Yet, apparently "having" that penis, for heterosexuals, is a big part of what determines acceptable dating abilities.
So, if you sleep with a man who has a vagina? Or a woman who has a penis? Who the hell cares? Apparently many people do, on most places on the sexual orientation spectrum.
(Which is another rant: defining sexual orientation in a world without dichotomous genders/sexes.)
In the What Intersex does to the Gay Marriage Debate, we learned the intricacies of making a dichotomous male/female distinction. A penis, or lack of, does not necessarily indicate male or not male status, and as there isnt a good reliable measure of "male or female," the answer remains ambiguous for some people.
In Where the Bois Are, one lesbian remarks "If only you didn't have a penis." Which is what it comes down to with sexual orientation, the orientation of your partner's genitals. Men are worried that the cute girl they are hitting on has a dick under her skirt, and women worry (slightly less) that the penis attached to their partner isnt enough for them (or there at all).
But, we dont look at genitals when choosing our dating partners. And, the vast majority say that they wouldnt leave their partner if their penis was cut off in an accident. Yet, apparently "having" that penis, for heterosexuals, is a big part of what determines acceptable dating abilities.
So, if you sleep with a man who has a vagina? Or a woman who has a penis? Who the hell cares? Apparently many people do, on most places on the sexual orientation spectrum.
(Which is another rant: defining sexual orientation in a world without dichotomous genders/sexes.)
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